As I walked down the platform this morning to my usual spot I saw another regular. She is an odd stick and I often see her leaning against the wall or a lamppost to do some sort of aerobic stretching. Some people could pull that off. She can’t. She just looks odd. Today however she wasn’t stretching at all. She was sitting on the square of concrete at the base of one of the lampposts applying roll-on deodorant, or antiperspirant, to the outside of her arms! Not particularly near her armpits but further down the outside, working it all around her upper arm down to her elbow. Now that is just plain weird. In all my years I have never seen anyone do that, nor can I even think of a reason why anyone would. It would take an inordinate amount persuading to convince me that in any way shape or form it is not weird.
This morning the train was fairly quiet – start of the school holidays always brings a delightful lull in the mornings. I made my way to the end of the carriage where my second favourite seat was sitting there waiting for me. Directly opposite the corner seat, next to the window. My feathers were ruffled by the two young people sitting on the aisle seats, opposite each not moving their knees to make way for me. Still, their loss as I made no attempt to not bump them on my way through.
The young lad was sitting on the outer seat of the 3-seater that I was on, and the young lass was sitting directly opposite him. She had all the classic outward appearances of your local chav. She was plastering on some orange make-up and flicking her bleached blonde hair back and forth. Despite it being a tad chilly today she was wearing flip-flops and a tiny cotton dress that barely covered intimate parts of her torso – top and bottom. The lad was dressed in a boring blue suit and white shirt.
After just one stop the lass decided she couldn’t bear to be so far away from her lover so she bounced out of her seat and sat down in-between me and her boyfriend. Well…I say between us, whereas in fact it was partly onto my arm and although she apologised and moved nearer to her boyfriend I was still mega unimpressed. What the hell! I had a nice empty seat next to me and then all of a sudden I didn’t. She didn’t however move any of her bags from her original location, so she was occupying two seats.
Her equally silly boyfriend put his arm around her which meant his hand was practically touching me. Unimpressed! She might actually have been a foetus as she kept curling herself up into a tiny ball and nestled into his body. I can’t beGIN to explain how nauseated it made me feel.
At one point the lad was doing some sort of peculiar scratching motion with the hand near to me. Starting at her shoulder he moved this hand further round her shoulder presumably trying to work his way down to her breast! Well, because her head was somewhere under his armpit it meant I could see his head, and he mine. So when I turned my head a full 45 degrees to look at him with disgust and contempt he did notice and instantly stopped. I think he must have realised that they weren’t invisible and that it isn’t particularly acceptable to be moving towards sex at 7.30am on a commuter train.
I got off the train and weaved my weary wake to a day of tedium.